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13 Ways to Make Sure Your Husband Feels Pregnant, Too

Photograph by Twenty20

Rumor has it that husbands are feeling left out of pregnancy. Statements like, "I just wish I was more a part of it" and "I keep forgetting that you're pregnant—maybe if you included me more" lead us to believe that our better halves should be a bigger part of the experience. Here are 13 ways to make your husband feel pregnant, too.

1. GIVE THEM A SWIFT KICK IN THE SHINS EVERY TIME THE BABY KICKS

Give your husband a small kick in the shins every time the baby kicks, so he knows there’s a healthy baby in there! Especially between the hours of 3 and 4:30 a.m.

2. ANNOUNCE EVERY SPECIAL TRIP TO THE BATHROOM THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT IN THE VOICE OF YOUR UNBORN BABY

Just as you hear the call to urinate hourly, so should he. Extra points for creative announcements like, “Daddy, wake up! It’s midnight and I have to go potty or I’ll turn into a pee-pee pumpkin!”

3. ASK THEM IF THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE A NATURAL BIRTH ONCE A DAY

Part of the magic is being asked this question by a stranger at least once a day. Give them the full experience.

4. SIMULATE BEING ONBOARD A ROCKING SHIP WHILE THEY TRY TO WORK AT THEIR COMPUTERS

Allow them to experience the joy of nausea by rocking their computer chair while they work. The more motion sickness they get, the more they'll feel included.

5. IMPULSE BUY UNNECESSARY ITEMS LIKE “PENGUIN SOUND MACHINE” IN THEIR NAME

Surprise your spouse with packages addressed to them that you impulse-bought after a friend told you their infant slept through the night with a potato in a lavender-scented sock.

6. AWARD THEM WITH AN ONION MASK TO PUT ON EVERY TIME A KITTY LITTER COMMERCIAL COMES ON

You cry when that kitty finds a home—and so should he! He’s really experiencing pregnancy now.

No spouse can truly be a part of pregnancy without flatulence.

7. SURPRISE THEM WITH ADORABLE WHOOPEE CUSHIONS IN THEIR JEAN POCKETS

No spouse can truly be a part of pregnancy without flatulence. Add these little toot makers to their pockets so they don’t forget they're pregnant every time they sit down. Adorable, I know!

8. TREAT THEM TO A DAY WEARING TINY ELF SHOES

The best way to approximate pregnant feet is to give the gift of tiny elf shoes. If your spouse’s feet aren’t rolling over the sides like a gelatinous horror show, they aren’t tiny enough!

9. LAVISH THEM WITH A TODDLER TRIP TO THE ZOO WHILE STRAPPED WITH SEVEN CHRISTMAS HAMS

Weighted walking is a quintessential pregnant adventure. Allow your partner this pleasure by really loading them up. A backpack with rocks makes a fine alternative!

10. WAKE THEM UP AT REGULAR INTERVALS TO PLAY THE PART IN THE MOVIE "LION" WHERE THE MOM LOSES THE KID

Another way to experience pregnancy is to be woken up to a nightmare of child loss. Another perk, not to be missed!

11. GIFT THEM A GALLON OF SUNNY D FOLLOWED BY A SUNSET HORSEBACK RIDE

Pregnancy and incontinence are the best of friends. By surprising your partner with this treat, he can feel what it’s like for the 2nd and 3rd trimesters. Hi-ho, Silver!

12. PRESENT THEM WITH A BANANA SLUG FOR EACH NOSTRIL

Furnish your spouse with a slug for each nostril to include them in your nightly breathing challenges. You can swap stories over coffee in the morning. The couple that has rhinitis together, stays together.

13. ADD PUKE FROM A MCDONALD’S URINAL OR DIRTY HORSE HAIR TO ALL THEIR FAVORITE FOODS

Make sure they can no longer enjoy their favorite foods by adding something (like old gravy!) to their favorites. They can no longer complain they are being left out when they’re bending over a wastebasket too.