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If I Could Choose The Gender Of My Next Child, I Totally Would

Newborn twins sleeping on white blanket
Photograph by Getty Images/Westend61

I wouldn’t trade my two boys for the world, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I wish I could have a girl.

As the oldest of three girls, I always imagined I’d have a daughter. In fact, when I found out my first was a boy I was mildly shocked. What a wonderful surprise he was, he taught me how awesome and fun boys can be. And yet, when we decided to try for another baby I bought the book "How To Choose the Sex of Your Baby" and followed it to the letter in the hopes of giving him a baby sister.

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I’m embarrassed to admit that when the sonogram tech gave us the news that our attempts had proven futile I had to excuse myself and have a quick little cry in the restroom. It was shameful and hormone driven to be sure. I knew how lucky I was to have just been told that my baby was healthy and developing normally. I knew that I would love him with every ounce of myself, but I was mourning what could have been.

When that second boy arrived he was so special and my love for him so deep, I wouldn’t trade him for all the girls in the world. My first son taught me that I could love being a mom to boys and my second son proved that I didn’t need a daughter. In fact it's my love for my sons, not a need to try for a girl, that fuels my desire to have another baby.

It would be beautiful to be able to relate to one of my children in a way I can’t with my boys.

And yet, if I’m being completely honest, I’m still holding out hope that my next baby is a girl. I'm well aware that if we add to our family in the same way we did for the first two we won't get to decide the gender and I'm totally OK with that, but a mom can dream.

It’s just fun to imagine what it would be like to braid hair and buy clothes with ruffles on the butt. I'm exceptionally close with my mom and I dream of that same connection with my imaginary daughter. I would love the chance to try my best to raise a woman who was strong and confident and empowered.

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It would be beautiful to be able to relate to one of my children in a way I can’t with my boys. In many ways it makes no difference, but my children and I do have decidedly different genders. I don’t know what it’s like to be a pubescent boy. I can’t relate to having a deep desire to wrestle. It would be comforting to have a little bit of estrogen in my house.

If I'm lucky enough to get pregnant a third time I know with all of my heart that I'll love and cherish that child regardless of gender. And of course I'm more concerned with having a healthy baby than one who can wear cute headbands. But if it were up to me, if I did have one magic wish, my last baby would be the daughter I always thought I’d have.

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