If you have three kids, chances are you have probably at least considered adding a fourth to your family. Heck, you may even only be on your first or second kid and already contemplating making the leap into four. When you know, you know.
But for those of you on the fence, allow me to try to sway you. It's kind of like a cult. Because if I have to live life with four kids, of course I want you to join me! I'll only make you swear your life away for 500 years, promise.
Ready? Here goes nothing. Let's take a stroll down the lane of Why You Should Most Definitely Have a Fourth Baby:
1. You're already a baby whisperer.
Honestly, if you have three, one more is probably no big deal. You're already a pro at swaddling and diaper changing and surviving on severe sleep deprivation. It's all gravy from here on out.
One woman noted that I was 'worse than Hitler' for bringing my spawn into the world.
2. You already have the gear.
Sure, you could sell that stroller, baby bouncer and sweet self-rocking swing for a few extra dollars or donate it to a family in need. OR you could put it to good use and get more bang for you buck—in a manner of speaking, that is.
3. You can always start a conversation.
Are you an introvert or someone who struggles with small talk? Well then, do I have the solution for you! Having a fourth kid is an instant conversation starter. Just going to the grocery store or heck, writing up a Twitter bio will open the door to all kinds of interesting stranger commentary, for example that time one woman noted that I was "worse than Hitler" for bringing my spawn into the world, or when an old man stopped me while out for an evening stroll to leer and ask me if I "knew what causes that."
Trust me, when you have four kids, people always have something to say to you. You'll never be lonely again!
4. You lost your mind a long time ago
Let's be honest. shit starts to get real after that third kid comes along. You lost your mind with that third baby and seriously, it's not coming back. So you may as well cut your losses, throw an extra kid into the mix, and hope the even numbers somehow even out your life again. Worth a shot, right?
5. It's somehow easier to have four
Maybe it's related to No. 4 or maybe it's the sleep deprivation talking (again), but those of us with four or more kids will swear to you that it's somehow easier to have more kids than to have just one or two. There's something about an older kid lending a helping, entertaining hand while you're making dinner or the convenience of skipping play dates because your kids already have built-in playmates or maybe even the freedom of letting yourself off the hook more because you just can't care about a lot of the same things anymore, but either way, that fourth kid feels like a game-changer.
And just in case it wasn't already clear, of course this is a tongue-in-cheek article. Every family is different and frankly, there are no guarantees about the size of our families, large or small. Sometimes, we don't get the choice.
But in the off chance that you do end up joining the ranks of the 4-plus kid crowd, let me just say: Welcome. I'll be happy to take you to our leader, who I'm pretty sure is actually Jim Gaffigan.
Photograph by: j&j brusie photography