Pregnancy and childbirth are supposed to be this beautiful experience that you’ll treasure forever. While you definitely treasure your child forever, the pain and stretch marks are the kinds of reminders you could do without. Also not awesome? Some of the unwelcome symptoms of pregnancy, things you didn’t think you'd have to face until you got old.
Like really old.
1. Peeing your pants
Laughing, working out and even walking becomes dangerous. You don’t dare go out of the house without wearing a pad, unless you want people to notice the trickle coming out of your pants. No shame if you're thinking Depends.
People lovingly call it “Pregnancy Brain.” Let’s get real, people, it's basically early onset dementia.
This may be the worst one of them all. Those little buggers are a pain in the ass. (No pun intended. Well maybe a little intended.) When you’re 20+ years younger than anyone else in the waiting room at the Gastroenterologist office, you’ll get even more pissed off at the hours you spent pushing that baby out. My only advice is invest in a squatty potty and coconut oil. Life changing.
4. Compression socks (for swelling)
My swelling got so bad that my Ob-Gyn suggested I buy compression socks. I asked her where one goes to buy whatever compression socks are. She said any grocery store or pharmacy has them. Cool. So I searched the Safeway. After an hour, I finally asked someone at the pharmacy counter. That's when I learned compression socks are located next to walking canes (and probably reading glasses). You know, in the old people section.
5. Carpel tunnel
I didn’t even know what this was when my Ob-Gyn told me that was the cause of the shooting pain in my wrists. I looked it up when I got home, and the first thing I saw was risk factors. The main one was age over 60. Lovely.
Before pregnancy I loved broccoli and raw veggies. But during the first trimester, they tasted metallic.
6. Hip pain
Between the baby kicking your hips (which stings more then it hurts sometimes), and your hips stretching to prepare for the big delivery, hip pain is unavoidable. It’s also a pain that you only hear the elderly and the pregnant complain about.
7. Hair loss
During pregnancy you get to have thick beautiful hair. Prenatal vitamins mixed with pregnancy hormones keep you from losing any hair at all. Then, postpartum hits and, as my husband says, “It’s like showering with Chewbacca.” There is hair everywhere. You lose it in clumps, so many clumps that I’m not sure how I haven’t gone bald yet. It comes out in the shower, while brushing it and styling it, and randomly anywhere throughout the day. Vacuuming every day is a must or people will think you own a very long-haired dog. (Not to mention the grey hairs that are now making an appearance.)
Pregnancy made me nap more often than my 78-year-old dad. Every little task makes you super tired. I would come home from work and my afternoon nap would end up overlapping with bedtime.
9. Taste buds change
My grandma told me she had to salt all her food, because her taste buds had changed and made every food she used to love taste completely different. I know what she means. Before pregnancy I loved broccoli and raw veggies. But during the first trimester, they tasted metallic. (The baby decided it only wanted me to eat brownies and ice cream.)
10. Back pain
The elderly complain about lumbar pain from aging and aching backs and joint pain. The pregnant complain of back pain from the extra load they have to carry for nine months. If you get the epidural, that pain continues postpartum. Back massages are a must. My husband complains now about back pain from carrying the baby. After 10 minutes. Husbands, no matter the age, might be the biggest baby of them all.