"I asked for divorce
from my husband when I was six months pregnant with my second child. We had only
been married for a short time and had another child who was 1 year old. We had been
fighting nonstop since the day our first child was conceived, and I honestly
didn't like, nor want to be with, my husband." —Kenya Moses, 33
Harsh. Yet, she recognizes the fact that the alternative may
have been even more detrimental to herself, and to her children.
Prior to making the decision to leave her husband while six months pregnant, Kenya says she exerted an extremely large amount of time
to working on the "image" of happiness in her home, even though she had no idea what would
actually make her happy. "My life
choices were based on what others thought of me—what my family wanted and believed
I should do. And I wandered somewhat aimlessly through life," Kenya recalls.
"He was a well-established scientist and made a nice, comfortable income. So why not just make it work?" she thought. As she considered her decision she knew that the
idea to leave seemed absolutely crazy. She
also knew that not leaving him would drive her
Looking back on the beginning of her relationship, Kenya says she knew at an early stage in the marriage that it was not going to stand the test of time. "Our personalities were
dramatically different, and we just did not see eye to eye," she
explains. And one day, she'd had enough.
"I had spent so much time living my life for others that I couldn't
bear to think of being in a loveless marriage and having my children see
their mother deteriorate into an unrecognizable mess," Kenya says. "If I didn't make this change, I knew I would never
recover; that I would officially give up my dreams and path for someone else,
and pretty much declare defeat in being my own person."
"Due to one decision I made that was difficult but honest, I am following my true life path and loving every moment on my journey."
Although the solution seemed crystal clear to Kenya, her
husband was not as understanding. "Within
two weeks of filing for divorce, I moved to an apartment with my little ones,"
Kenya remembers. "This immediately sent my husband into a rage which resulted
in a series of court battles for child custody and support that were appalling
Because Kenya had stopped working to stay home with her children,
her husband asked the court to require that she find a full-time job and release
him from paying child support, spousal support and limit the distance from which
she can ever move from him. Although the court granted him all of these things,
she says the court proceedings and the battle that ensued still reinforced that she
had made the right decision.
Despite her confidence in her life choice, not one of her friends
or family understood why she made this dramatic change. "The most frequent issue I heard from
people was that I didn't give him another chance," Kenya says. "I simply told people that when you know that a
situation is wrong, disempowering, draining and troublesome—and you've weighed all the options—there's nothing else you can do."
Understanding the consequences of making such a drastic life
change is one thing, but acting on that life change despite the fear is quite another. Kenya says her greatest
fears centered around her ability to emotionally and financially support her
children and herself. "There were
moments where I felt isolated and went through a depression. It was only after
recognizing that I could control and change my thought processes that I was
able to see the silver lining and move forward on my path in a healthy way."
"Five years ago I was a woman who knew what her heart wanted, but couldn't allow herself to believe in her ability to make anything happen,"
Kenya continues. "Now, due to one decision I made that was difficult but
honest, I am following my true life path and loving every moment on my journey."
Since her divorce she
has built a successful small health and
wellness business for women, and she is actively working as a professional dancer and classical vocalist
again. She reports that her two sons, Nicholai, 5, and Sebastian, 3, are growing every day. "We just celebrated my eldest son's 5th
birthday," Kenya says. "There is no doubt in my mind that my children have
benefited from my decision. Absolutely none."