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10 Things Not to Say to a Pregnant Military Spouse

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Most pregnant women run into at least one or five people who feel the need to make inappropriate comments, be it about how big your belly is ("Are you expecting twins?") or how you got that way. Yes, people can be rude, but it's a special kind of rudeness to say these things to a pregnant spouse of a U.S. soldier.

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1. Why don’t you wait until your husband is out of the military, so, you know, there is no chance of him dying?

You know, because civilians don’t get hit by buses, in car accidents or have freak diseases and heart attacks. If we all waited to live our life until retirement or contracts ended, or when we know exactly what the future holds, what kind of life would that be?

2. Isn’t he scheduled to deploy?

We don’t know. Last time, we found out six weeks before deployment that he would be leaving. Obviously, it is something to think about, but planning life around the military’s constantly changing schedule is nearly impossible.

3. Aren’t Army hospitals the worst?

Well, I guess that depends. I hope my experience working within the military health system is a good one.

4. My friend had [insert really horrible birth story here] when she had a baby at the Army hospital, have you thought about that?

Thanks. I’m really sorry to hear about your friend, hopefully that doesn’t happen to us.

We are all barefoot and pregnant, offering nothing to society other than being a drain on taxpayer resources.

5. What are you going to do if he deploys?

What do people want me to say here? I’m going to abort my baby? Of course not. We are going to figure things out and make the transition as smooth as possible for our family. What would you do?

6. When are you moving home to your parents’ house?

I am a grown-up with a job, a home and a life. I’m not running home to mommy when things get hard.

7. Aren’t you scared of being a single mother with two young children?

Wow. I hadn’t even thought about all of the possible risks that come with deployment. Thanks for bringing them to light. Those phantom knocks at the door and unknown phone numbers calling at odd hours just didn’t bother me at all before now.

8. Gosh, military spouses always seem to be pregnant.

It’s pretty much a white trash trailer park around here. We are all barefoot and pregnant, offering nothing to society other than being a drain on taxpayer resources.

9. I don’t know how you do it. I don’t think I could.

Well, that is just so sweet of you to say. Would you put your life on hold? Get a divorce over a pending deployment? Maybe you can help me figure out what I’m doing wrong in my life.

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10. At least your kids are young and don’t realize when he’s gone.

Unfortunately, this is far from the truth. Everyone feels the absence of a parent—whether it’s the added stress levels or the obvious amount of bonding time that is missing. Building the relationship between my husband who was deployed until our daughter was 3 months old took months—and when he leaves for weeks at a time for training not a year later, it still takes time for them to reconnect and her to readjust to his presence. Kids of all ages feel the separation, it just varies in how they are able to handle and process it.

What's the rudest thing anyone said to you when you were pregnant? Tell us in the comments.

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