To my son, my soulmate,
Every morning, I wake up to your powerful kicks inside my belly and my heart lights up inside. I'm completely aware of you with every fiber of my being and you have already given my life a purpose beyond what I could ever have imagined. My day rises and sets with you.
I'm excited to share the tastes of different foods with you, curious to see what you like or don’t like. When I jog, I know that I am filling your little body with oxygen and gently rocking you to sleep. My meditations have taken on a new importance and, while I chant, I surround you with light and positive energy.
I dance joyously around the house so you will feel the rhythm of Motown and hip-hop. I thank God for each day your heart beats and you grow a little more. I hope you feel how deeply loved you are and know that I will always do anything for you. You will never do any wrong in my eyes, even when you make mistakes.
As the time approaches for your arrival, I have mixed feelings of anticipation and anxiety. Part of me is longing to hold you pressed against my skin, to kiss your baby cheeks, to see you smile for the first time and to hear your laugh. The other part of me wishes I could keep you in my belly forever to protect you from the world.
I will always feel your happiness and your pain. I dread the day that someone hurts you and makes you cry because I can’t shield you from the ugliness in the world. I brace myself preparing for the strength I will need not to judge you or myself when you hurt others, knowing how we are all flawed.
Thank you for giving me the greatest purpose in my life and being my proudest achievement.
Because you are my child, I know that you will always try your best, especially in moments of tremendous difficulty and I hope you treat others—and yourself—with compassion and empathy. I know that you will act as my teacher, as well. And, when you realize I am far from perfect, that you love me regardless of my flaws and extend compassion for me, too.
I believe that before a soul incarnates, it chooses its parents and the fact that you have chosen me to be your mom is thrilling. Although I look forward to finding out who you are, I expect you will hold up a mirror for me to see myself, exposing those parts of myself I have never wanted to look at. But because I want to be a better person for you, it is you who will give me a reason to change. You will cause me to be braver than I’ve ever been and stronger than I could ever be on my own.
What will you teach me? What will I teach you? Throughout this adventure together, I hope we become best friends. You truly are already my soulmate and the love of my life.
All I want to do is be your friend and I know it will be hard to discipline you. I hope I find my own unique way to parent you with respect and trust. Because someday, all too soon, you will be too cool to hold my hand or give me a kiss in public. Someday, all too soon, you will need healthy space from me as you grow into your own man. Someday, all too soon, you will fall in love with another and they will replace me. So, while I can, I want to enjoy our special closeness.
Thank you for giving me the greatest purpose in my life and being my proudest achievement. Thank you for healing my heart from a lifetime of heartbreaks. Thank you for revealing not only my strengths but also teaching me humility, showing me how to have faith and ask for help when I am not strong. Thank you for helping me live my best life and grow into the best version of myself I can be.
Thank you for choosing me to be your mom, baby boy.
I love you always,