You noticed this morning that your little one doesn't have that baby pudge around her chin and wrists anymore. She doesn't snuggle like she used to, and that delicious baby smell went away months ago. You catch yourself looking at photos, watching videos of when she had her first spoon of solid food, when she took her first wobbly steps, and when she first threw your keys in the toilet.
You get a little teary-eyed. Damn, where has the time gone? But then you realize, you are getting a LOT teary-eyed. Wow do you miss that baby phase. Do you want another one? You say, "yes," but you're only about 63 percent there. So it's actually more of a "I think so." But who ever knows for sure? And you wonder, am I thinking with my head or my heart?
Here are some other thoughts you may have when contemplating adding another little rugrat to the mix.
1. My daughter/son needs a sibling. She'll have a built-in friend. How sweet to see two little siblings be best friends!
You think about how your little one must be so lonely with no one but you to play with. Only YOU get to play "My Little Ponies" and puppet show and dollhouse and Doc McStuffins endlessly! Yes, she must be very lonely. And also, if you have to reenact the Peppa episode where Delphine the Donkey comes to school one more time, you will light Peppa on fire. Yes, it will be such a joy to see your daughter have a sister or brother to play with!
2. But what if they hate each other?
What if they don't hold hands and wear matching rompers everywhere they go? What if they don't develop a secret language only the two of them can understand? And what if they instead constantly bicker and tattle on the other? Shit. Having two little ones wanting to play with only mom? You may as well just shoot yourself in the knee cap.
3. I'll have to divide my time with her if I have another one.
What if she's jealous and resentful and draws on her baby brother's face with a Sharpie?
My daughter says she wants a sister, but she's only 3. What if she's jealous and resentful and draws on her baby brother's face with a Sharpie or feeds him glue when I'm not looking? Kids get jealous and resentful. And Sharpie doesn't come off the skin easily.
4. I'll be able to experience breastfeeding again.
I miss that special bonding time. i miss feeling the satisfaction of a good latch, feeling my rock hard boob deflate and get soft and human again, seeing that adorable milk drunk look on my baby's face. Plus I would be burning calories like a mofo.
5. But shit, mastitis really blows.
There's also that let down in public problem. And having to feed through bloody scabby nipples isn't great either. Just thinking of the sucking sound of a breast pump and having flashbacks of dripping milk through sore nips make my nipples retract in fear and beg to see a therapist.
6. I'll get to feel that sweet little baby kicking in my belly.
You remember feeling that flutter, and then that kicking, and then that squirming and repositioning inside your belly. It mesmerized you and warmed your heart.
7. But, the baby also kicked my bladder and my ribs.
And it kept you up night after night. You also peed yourself a time or two.
8. But I pee myself even now.
9. Maybe this time around morning sickness won't cut me off at the knees.
Meaning, maybe this time around you will be able to eat more than just Chicken in a Biscuit dipped in Ranch dressing. Every pregnancy's different, right?
10. But what if it does cut me off at the knees, and the wrists and the ankles?
You can only eat so much ginger, dude.
11. My vagina will be wrecked again.
The idea of sitting on a donut and dousing my torn up taco with witch hazel definitely tempers that baby fever.
12. But I'll be able to score those glorious mesh panties.
HELL YEAH! Few things in life are as amazing and awful at the same time.
13. Can we really afford it?
Your need for rain slickers and professional grade juicers increases between the hours of 2 and 5 a.m.
Babies are expensive little buggers! From the gear to breast pump to the clothes to the medical care. Oh, and don't forget the late night Amazon purchases you will make while pumping in the middle of the night. Your need for rain slickers and professional grade juicers increases between the hours of 2 and 5 a.m.
14. Am I too old?
I just turned 40 last week. Will I have the energy to chase a toddler around in a few years? When my baby graduates high school, I'll be 58.
15. Well, Halle Berry had a baby at 47.
Not really sure what this proves because Halle Berry is a super human millionaire model.
16. Will I still be able to pursue my own goals and dreams with another one?
It's so important to me to have my own thing, to continue in my career, to pursue my own dreams and accomplish my goals. And by goals, I mean going to the bathroom by myself.
17. How will my mental health hold up?
How good is having another child if you are always stressed out and overwhelmed?
Meaning will I be constantly losing my shit? I mean, more than I am now? How good is having another child if you are always stressed out and overwhelmed?
18. Am I OK to give up sleep again?
This is a very important question. I will have to be OK with at least another two years of really shitty sleep. Two years of zombie face and bags under my eyes. Two more years of hazy, sleep-deprived lucidity involving regularly putting my iPhone in the fridge and wearing my shirt, trousers or both inside out.
19. Is my husband on board?
He says he is. I'm pretty sure he wants another baby, just not sure he wants to face another reason we are unable to have sex.
20. Do we need to move to a bigger apartment?
Remember all the gear? Sure, we can do without the saucer and the piano pad, but we can never forgo the swing, glider, activity mat and the high chair. Or the Boppy. Or body pillow. Or walker. Are we OK having our house look like an episode of "Storage Wars"?
21. Am I OK with having that baby weight thing happen again?
Everything will be saggier. EVERYTHING.
You don't bounce back with the third one like you did with No. 1. Even if you do lose all the weight, everything will be saggier. EVERYTHING.
22. There's always vaginal reconstruction and rejuvenation.
Chin up, little slugger.
23. Will one of us have to ride alone at Disneyland or on a ski lift?
Having another one will give us an uneven family number. One of us will always have to ride in the single rider line. One of us will always have to ride Space Mountain alone.
24. But we can all still ride Splash Mountain together!
It's a better ride, anyway.
25. What about travel?
OMG having to buy a ticket for one extra person does impact how much travel we'll be able to afford. And can I take another three to five years of fellow passengers wanting to crane kick me?
26. Is this my hormones talking?
Hormones don't have to change face-melting blowouts or get mastitis. Pipe down, hormones, you don't have a say in this.
27. What if I don't have another baby? Will I be sad?
I think so. I don't know. Maybe. Yes. Yes, I would.
We'll see how I feel next week …
Photograph by: Andrea Wada Davies