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The Bathing Suit Dilemma

Talking about body positivity has always been my thing online (as well as within the walls of my home) but something happens the moment I step outside.

Like those bad dreams we've all had (haven't we?) of showing up to school naked and being like HOLY SHIT WHAT DO I DO NOW I AM NAKED. AT SCHOOL.

That's how I feel sometimes... like AHHHHH my arms are showing! Let me put on my sweater even though its 89 degrees out. It's embarrassing to admit but it's true. My body is not something I am excited to flaunt. Anywhere. Ever. It never was. Having massive breasts as a teenager went from being "so rad" to "major nightmare" within a week. But even before that—when I was this “pretty young thing”—I struggled. Maybe it was all the supermodels I plastered to my walls... or the fact that my friends were all stick thin. Or maybe it was just me... unable to see myself. (Looking back, I don't know what the fuck my problem was. I had a smokin' bod. I wish I could have been able to see that then—before three pregnancies and four children and age. AGGGGE.)

Years ago, I bought a bikini. Fable was two, I think?

I had finally lost the baby weight from my second pregnancy and I felt GOOD. I was at Target shopping for something mundane and I was totally feeling myself and was like I'M GONNA BUY MYSELF A ZAC POSEN FOR TARGET BIKINI.

That bathing suit and the one-piece I purchased after the twins were born were the only bathing suits I have bought in the last 6 years.

Every year I tempt myself into purchasing a new swimsuit and most of the time I get overwhelmed, close all browser tabs and just... stay the course with my old ones.

Anyway, these were the thoughts going through my head when shopping at Target earlier this week and being like, huh.... maybe I should try on some suits...

Unfortunately, none of them worked. This is a LARGE top (in the pic above) and, well.... FREE THE NIPPLE, said my nipples, but it lit a fire under my ass to finally buy myself a BATHINGSUIT GODDAMNIT.

So I did.

Online.

Because...

- The light is much more flattering in an online shop than it is in a Target fitting room. (Good God, Target. The light. THE LIGHT!)

- Because there are some CUUUUTE suits out there and it's lame of us not to pick one out and wear it to the beach/pool/water table like HEYYYYYYY.

Behold my top ten picks for myself and maybe you, too:

Samantha Pleet Tabernacle One Piece, $140

Cali Dreaming Andromeda, $238

Samantha Pleet Skylight Suit, $149

Out from Under Cecilia, $68

J Crew Marysia Antibes Bikini, $136

Gold Bandeau One Piece, $118

Anna Sui Island Flower, $198

Body Glove one-piece, $75

Onia Kelly Birds of Paradise, $195

J Crew Halter Underwire (on sale for $79)

In the end, I settled on this one in black. (Look how happy she looks!) Because when it comes to swimwear, I am very practical and this one was on sale and is totally classic and I think I might even love it.

What about you? Link to your summer picks for swimsuits in the comments if you have them! xoxoxo!