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10 Divorce-Worthy Crimes Committed by Husbands

Photograph by Twenty20

While wedding vows are meant to last an eternity, the End of Days will come sooner rather than later for most marriages should any of the following atrocities be committed by the one who wore the tux at the altar:

RELATED: 9 Signs Your Husband Is Supportive (and a Keeper!)

1. Post a non-approved photo of his wife

Some guy on Reddit has a death wish. Or at least a divorce wish. Why else would he have posted a photo of his wife wearing a snowman flannel nightgown and leopard-print flannel pajama bottoms with a caption that reads, "This is my wife's 'don't fucking touch me I'm on my period' outfit." Were you thinking you'd ever see what's under those pajamas ever again, dude? Good luck, and Godspeed, buddy.

2. Go ahead and ask me if I'm "on" my period

What does being "on" your period even mean? In your pea-size brain, am I literally sitting on the lining of my uterus as it's in the process of shedding? Is being on my period perhaps the same as having my period? And is this really a question you want to be asking while I have my period?

3. Oh, you can babysit the kids, honey

Our kids? Your kids? Babysit them? Really? Gee, thanks.

4. Screw up dinner big time. Repeatedly.

How sweet. My husband has volunteered to cook dinner for the children. Then he doesn't actually put any food on the table for them until 2.5 hours past their dinnertime. And he's asking me to entertain the children while he fumbles in the kitchen making macaroni and neon-orange powdered cheese from a box as if a fourth Michelin star depends on it. This, while the aforementioned children are so hangry I see them eyeing the pretend food in their play kitchen and wondering if plastic will pair nicely with actual ketchup. Awesome.

5. Please tell me again how much of a break you're giving me by going grocery shopping.

And then you call me from every aisle. And then come home only for me to realize you likely can't read. Or see. Or think. Because pretty much everything you got is wrong. And now I need to go back and make the exchanges and buy the new stuff. Cool.

6. Bathroom deal-breakers

Thanks for making sure not to pee on the seat, darling. On the other hand, you could really pee anywhere you want if you leave the seat up one more time in the middle of the night and my entire rear nearly hits the water. By the way, the only thing separating us from divorce court at this point is the word nearly.

7. Put away the dishes

You can take the dishes out that you need to eat and drink. And yet you can never, ever remember where to put them away.

8. Never make the bed

Over the course of a 10-year-old marriage, a husband unmakes a bed over 3,600 times. The number of times he can figure out how to properly make it: zero.

RELATED: I'll Wear My Pajamas to School Drop-off If I Damn Well Please

9. This.

10. A poem for a husband's muddy shoes:

I do not like them in the house.

I do not like them on my blouse.

Would you? Could you? In the car?

Would you? Could you? In a bar?

Would you wear them at your mom's?

Yet in our house you have no qualms.

I do not like them here or there.

I do not like them anywhere.

I do not like your muddy shoes.

Wear them again inside if it's a divorce you choose.

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