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10 Reasons I Didn’t Shower Today

Being a parent is awesome. I love every bit of it, I really do. However, anyone who is a busy parent knows that having kids, especially a baby or toddler, means that you have to plan and execute your day with precision and efficiency. It means that sometimes, if there is an abnormally heavy schedule on a particular day, you have to go into serious schedule triage. And if you can’t get your act together, things that are supposed to happen just don’t happen (even basic things, like taking a shower). Now, I’m not a gross person, I want to take a shower just as much as the next person. It’s just that I’m still learning to master that whole time-management thing with children. Here are 10 reasons why I didn’t get a shower in today.

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1. I needed to use that time to go grocery shopping instead.

We’d just gotten home from being away for a week. The only things in the fridge still good to eat were two Kit-Kats, a jar of mayo, celery and a half-eaten package of hot dogs. Part of me wanted to get into Iron Chef mode and make some sort of calzone, but then the other part of me didn’t want to give my kids severe food poisoning. So, instead of using the time before the kids woke to shower and get ready, I brushed my teeth, pulled my hair up and headed to the grocery store for some unexpired, chunk-free milk and other groceries.

2. I want that sexy, beach hair look.

When you have kids, you do everything you can to preserve a good hair day. And you do your best to keep that good hair day into tomorrow and maybe even the next day. Because when you have kids, styling your hair doesn’t happen every day. And I had a good hair day, dammit! (Yes, I DO know about shower caps.)

3. I didn’t want the sound of the shower to wake the baby.

As pathetic and gross as this makes me sound, it’s true. Sometimes babies sleep like logs, other times, they wake at the sound of your neighbor spreading jam onto his scone. She was in one of those fitful sleep moods today, and I was not going to risk waking her from her nap just to cleanse myself. And yes, I’m talking about showering at noon.

4. I needed to clean instead.

I was going to shower while my daughter took her mid-morning nap, but I chose to clean out the fridge and then clean the bathrooms instead. Believe me, this is not my ideal way to spend those two precious hours of peace, but when you swear you’ve just seen something try to escape and crawl out of the fridge, and there is a dust bunny rave happening in the living room, you have to act right away.

Know that “showering” is just a euphemism for “any task that was effortless to complete before you had kids.”

5. I was up until 5 a.m. and chose to sleep in a little instead of shower.

Wouldn’t you? Be honest.

6. Just when I was about to get in the shower, which was already running, the doorbell rang.

Turns out it was just the FedEx guy, who left the package and bounced. But by the time I got the package in and opened it, and after I tried on the contents of that package and contemplated for 15 minutes why I thought the contents of that package looked so good on that model online at 3 a.m., that sweet, sweet shower time was gone.

7. There was what looked like poop in the shower.

I couldn’t confirm what it was, so I just treated it like poop. After cleaning, disinfecting and "ew-gross"-ing for an hour, I realized that it was some dried seaweed snack that had made its way into the shower and gotten wet and soggy. Or at least, I’m 70 percent sure that’s what it was. In any case, after all that, there was no time left for me to shower before the baby woke up from her afternoon nap.

8. I wiped with baby wipes midday.

I considered it a triumph in multitasking: wiping the grape juice off my neck and arms with baby wipes while driving to my daughter’s doctor appointment.

9. I spent the three golden hours after my daughter went to sleep and before my usual bedtime working on my 12-year-old’s tri-fold poster outlining medical contributions from Wales.

And repeatedly asking, “Why the hell are you having to do a project about medical contributions from Wales?”

10. I plan to go to the gym tomorrow, I swear.

As disgusting as that sounds, when both kids are asleep and you have found that sweet spot on the couch and are contemplating just sleeping there, you reason and think things like, “Why shower today when I’m just going to get sweaty in the morning? That doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?”

RELATED: 7 Lies About Babies and Sleep

So nope, I didn’t shower today. Judge me all you want. It’s just how things happened to go today. When you have young children, sometimes you don’t get it all in. And know that “showering” is just a euphemism for “any task that was effortless to complete before you had kids.” I’ll get ‘em tomorrow, tiger. I hope.

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