Look, I’m not saying my tiny toddler is the chubby-faced
equivalent of a violent sociopath, but he likes to wave knives in my face and
scream. Also, the other day, he clutched the iPad in his hands and wouldn’t let
go until he could be bribed with candy. We are at Toddler Terror Threat Level
I’m his captor. And while, I love him, I wonder how much of
it is Stockholm syndrome. The other day, I woke up to find a ransom note in his
crib. I tried to call the FBI, but apparently they don’t handle cases of the
young and deranged.