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10 Signs You’re a Parent of Twins

Being a parent to twins is a challenging experience, to say the least. If, like me, you went from being an autonomous adult to a mother of two, you know that it’s initially pretty crazy. You have to do everything on the double. If you’ve ever thrown one kid under each arm to get up a flight of stairs, or stood on the other side of the door listening to your twins laughing hysterically over something you’re totally not in on, you know what I’m talking about.

You know that you’re a parent of twins when:

1. You’re a geometry expert.

You see the doorway to a store you want to go into and start doing quick calculus equations in your head, trying to figure out if your double-wide will fit. You've learned that the world isn’t made for moms with multiples and that doing something as simple as getting through a door is often a tighter squeeze than giving birth. If you’ve ever paid a stranger to go into the store and get you a coffee — or a jar of specialty Bloody Mary mix (ahem) — you’re probably a twin parent.

2. You feel like a celebrity.

Actually, you’re not the celebrity. You’re more like the handler standing off to the side at the Academy Awards wearing an all-black outfit and a headset. Your dynamic duo inspires "oohs" and "ahhs" wherever you go. To get this level of attention, you’d have to leave the house without panties on (and, even then, people would still be fixated on your matched set).

3. You teach people where babies come from.

When you’ve got twins with you, inquiring strangers want to know — how the hell did this happen? Do twins run in your family? Did you do IVF? Is one of them actually a hologram created by a computer called Synergy? Depending on your mood, you decide how much you want to share.

4. You’re a nap ninja.

Twin mamas know there’s a strange sense of accomplishment that comes from getting both kids to nap at the same time. Did you graduate from a master’s program? Earn a law degree? Run a marathon? Sorry, you know it’s true that nothing matches the feeling of success you have when you tip-toe out of the room having earned yourself an hour of alone time. Now go give yourself a pedicure and a VO5 Hot Oil Treatment, girl!

RELATED: Kids Sleep in the Darndest Ways!

5. You rock the assembly line.

From diapering to baths to nail trimmings, you operate like a well-oiled machine. Sure, it would be nice to sometimes linger over these tasks and give each of your spawn special attention. But rarely is there enough time. Note: if your husband starts lining up to have his ears Q-tipped, it might be time to ease up.

6. You seek out twin life hacks.

Caring for two at a time is hard, so can you blame us if we Google search ways to make our lives even a tiny bit easier? Granted, most of the ideas out there are kind of cray, like this double baby carrier (oh hell no!) or this arguably dangerous bottle holder. You can’t blame these people for trying, though.

7. You drive (a stroller) like Danica Patrick.

There’s a bit of a learning curve when it comes to piloting a double stroller (who among us hasn’t knocked down an entire soup display in the grocery store or caught a stray cat in a wheel on the way to the playground?). But once you’ve got the hang of it, you move that MF like you’re in the Indy-effing-500. The best compliment I ever got was after a woman watched me open the door to a mall parking level with one hand and swerve the double stroller through with the other: “She knows how to maneuver that thing!” Yes, yes I do.

8. You know one is the easiest number.

Of course, you can’t tell your friends with one kid this, but handling one child at a time is the definition of simple. If you ever get a full day of one-on-one time with just one of yours, you suddenly see what it’s like to really BE with your kid instead of just managing chaos.

RELATED: 10 Things You Never Knew About Twins

9. You’ve got the look.

When you pass other twin parents on the street, a knowing look passes between you. Sometimes even a fist bump. There’s an instant camaraderie between adults who understand what it’s like to laugh (or cry) hysterically when two infants are screaming at the same time or to be double-teamed by a pair of two year-olds.

10. You celebrate being done. Like, done-done.

While other parents struggle with the decision whether to expand their family of three, you breathe a sigh of relief knowing your insta-family is complete. You will never have to buy a pair of jeans with an elastic waistband again.

Image by Ronnie Koenig

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