I'm still early in the surrogacy process. I have yet to sign a contract but I have been actively searching for a match with the help of a local agency. Going through the matching process has been fun and awkward and exciting—much like dating. It's been a while since I was on the dating scene, but I still remember the nerves and the jittery feelings often associated with dating. Ever since I started the matching process I recognize the butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling. Here are just a few ways that finding a surrogacy match is just like dating:
1. You spend a lot of time waiting around for the phone to ring or your email to chime, but you're trying to play it cool so you don't seem desperate. Sometimes it feels like I'm on pins and needles waiting to hear from my agency about a couple that might be interested, but when I answer the phone I totally pretend like I wasn't just staring at my phone willing it to ring.
2.You hope your families get along. There's nothing more awkward that not getting along with the "in-laws," right? You want to make a good impression on them and you want your family to also like your new guy. Well, I really want my family to love and accept the couple I end up working with, and I hope their family will see me in a good light as well.
3. You go all out shaving your legs, getting a bikini wax and painting your toes before your "hot date"(aka the embryo transfer at the clinic). I mean, you don't want to show up looking ratchet, do you?
4. You act on your best behavior at first and slowly start feeling more comfortable and being yourself. You know when you first meet a guy, you try your best to act like a lady. No swearing, no eating like a pig, making sure your hair looks nice and you're wearing a cute outfit. But after a while the sweatpants come out and he sees you stuffing your face with ice cream while sobbing because you had a really bad day. The same thing will happen in the intended parents/surrogate relationship—soon you're like family.
5. You're dreading farting in front of them. Can I tell you something? I have never purposely farted in front of my husband. I think once I let one accidentally slip in his presence and I was mortified. I'm just not a fart in front of your partner kinda gal. Well, when I give birth, the intended parents will most likely be in attendance—and we all know birth ain't pretty—and sometimes all I can think is, What if I fart (or even worse, poop) in front of them?! I mean, it's almost inevitable, right? I don't want to think about it.
6. You're looking for that "click." Have you ever been on a date with a perfectly nice guy, but you just didn't click? You can't describe it, but there's something missing. Same with finding the right intended parents or surrogate to work with. When you feel that click you know you found "the one."