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A Dictionary Toddlers Can Get Behind

The world looks different from a toddler's perspective. Common, everyday things we encounter on a daily basis take on a different meaning for a 2-year-old. And they wouldn't define simple, ordinary words the same way we adults would. So, what if there were a dictionary written by toddlers for toddlers? Here's what it might look like.


noun [pants]

1. Tool for lower-half of body torture

2. Leg imprisonment

Synonym: nonsense

RELATED: I Let My Daughter Run the Nap Game


noun [bɛd]

1. A place to sometimes sleep, but mostly roll around and plot ways to not have to sleep

2. The thing in your room that collects cobwebs, but that thing in your parents' room that serves as the arena for the Gracie Jiu Jitsu you unknowingly perform on your parents every night

Used in a sentence: "Pleez can I sleep in your bed, mommy. Pleeeeez?!"

Remote Control

noun [ri-moht kuh n-trohl]

1. A piano for stuffed animals

2. An "ice cream cone" to put in the freezer (yes, the actual freezer)

3. Space ship control panel

4. The thing mom and dad yell about never being able to find

Synonym: the %*(@#% controller


noun [vej-tuh-buh ls]

1. Ammunition for hand slingshot

2. Things you hide under your plate, down your pants, on the floor and in your nose, if necessary

Synonym: not chocolate


noun [stroh-ler]

1. Not as good as mommy's arms

2. But better than walking


noun [bath-room]

1. a place where mommy hides

2. And too often gets diahrhea (yeah right, mom)

synonym: mom's alibi


noun [gran-pair-uh nts]

1. A nicer, more lenient (better) version of mom and dad

2. Giver of all things deemed off-limits by my boring parents

Synonym: saints, angels, now we're talking


noun [pair-uh nts]

1. Suckers

2. The "NO" people

3. The grown ups to which you love to give the hardest time, but whom you couldn't live without


noun [ahrt], [rhymes with fart, tee hee]

1. Pictures you draw on your skin with the Sharpie that your parents didn't hide very well

2. Stars and cats and Olafs drawn with mom's lipstick on the TV screen

Synonym: the messier the better


noun [Play-Doh]

1. Heaven in moldable form

2. Pliable goo to be pushed into computer keyboards and smeared onto nice rugs and furniture and every thing in existence

Synonym: mommy and daddy's personal hell.


Noun [nap-tahym]

1. A time to sit in your bed and quietly destroy things and take off your pants

Synonym: mom's sanity


Noun [bath-tuhb]

1. A place where you sometimes end up eating soap and drinking your own filth

2. Place where you can pee like a mermaid


noun [ahy-fohn]

1. The thing that controls grown ups

2. Their life force

3. Their oxygen

Synonym: grown-up air


noun [res-tə-ˌränt]

1. A business establishment where a parent can buy and then either not eat their meal at all or wolf it down in the two minutes before you get "impatient"

2. A place at which you sometimes (always) lose your shit in front of a captive audience

3. A place only to go to if parents have gotten a lot of sleep the night before

Synonym: self-inflicted pain to parents

Older Brother

adjective, noun [ohl-der bruhth -er]

1. a really good bodyguard

2. a really good alibi

3. the one who is mostly always patient with you, but sometimes not

Synonym: living jungle gym


noun [siz-erz]

1. Sharp things that make your hair fall off

2. And Dora doll's hair fall off

3. Your use of which makes your mom very, very upset

Synonym: Holy shit, where'd you get those? (mom calls it that)


noun [yoo-toob]

1. The thing that puts you on notice that you have an addictive personality

2. Where all things amazing are found

Synonym: everything

RELATED: 17 Parenting Mantras We Can Actually Use


noun [ˈha-pē-nəs]

1. Undivided attention from mom, dad or anyone, really

2. Bubble guns

3. Running free without fabric shackles (clothing) or a diaper

4. Endless time on the iPad

5. Tearing the flaps off picture books with reckless abandon

6. Being a toddler

Images via Andrea Wada Davies

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