I didn't want to buy a minivan. I spent
many a year rolling my eyes at the prospect of ever driving one. Perhaps it was
because MY mom drove a minivan—a Toyota Previa—that she bought in the early '90s and still runs, 5,678,798,797,897 miles later. (You do
have to get in through the trunk because the sliding door AND the passenger
door no longer open.)
I learned to drive in/on/with this minivan
and, frankly, all these years later, have nothing but love for ye olde rustic
Still, it took a twin pregnancy to
convince me that a minivan was in order. So, kicking and screaming, we went
to a dealership two weeks before the twins were born and traded my wagon in for
a van. And I never looked back.
Do you want to know why? Because it was
AMAZING. It was more amazing than my Cabriolet convertible I drove out of the
driveway and promptly crashed on my 16th birthday. It was more amazing than my
silver Jetta with its vanity plate and matching rims. It dwarfed my affection for my green Passat
wagon with its heated seats. I was in love.
That was nearly four years ago, and I have
since made it my mission to convert the minivan haters in my life.
"Hey, guys. Get a load of these cup
"DUDE. School drop-offs in the
mornings? So easy."
"Oh, you mean THIS XM STEREO
"What was that? You want to chill a
piece of string cheese while en route to the beach? WELL THEN ..."
"And don't even get me STARTED on the
safety features, you guys."
Anyway, now I kind of feel the same way about
family resorts, because after years of being like OH HELL NO, we decided to
scope one out in Palm Springs in celebration of
Archer's 10th. And? It was awesome.
Overpriced, sure. But awesome.
Traveling has always been FUN but also
kind of ... well, exhausting, wrangly and overwhelming. But this past weekend
was not like that. Nobody complained. Everyone was happy. There were water
slides and lazy rivers and pools full of loud children and splashing adults—meaning the kids were in HEAVEN and we didn't have to stress about
noise/accidentally cannonballing on a stranger's head. (Because everyone was
accidentally cannonballing on stranger's heads.)
Hell! I had someone dive straight into my
face on the lazy river and we ended up high-fiving afterward.
I MEAN, DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE A
It was, though, because EVERYONE was
happy. The kids were happy so the parents were happy and the lifeguards were—I mean, I've never in my life seen so many lifeguards. I counted 4,219 of
them—not even kidding. Which is NEVER the case on non-child-friendly
vacations. We're lucky if there's a lifeguard on duty at all.
I was not expecting to be such a
fan. I was not expecting my kids to think our weekend in Palm Springs at
Splashtopia was the greatest thing that had ever
happened to them.
And now that we've done it?
"You guys, you would not BELIEVE the
"See this tan? I actually reclined my
body for several moments!"
"And don't even get me started on the
lazy river. It was THE LAZIEST!"
"And the gift shop? I mean, you
should see the goggles Fable procured. They're covered in
"Desert sunsets are spiritual."
And so on.
All of this to say, we had a great time.
And now I'm super on-board with the whole family resort thing. I want to drive
my minivan to every family resort in the world, high-five all the lifeguards and straight-up chill.
So, tell me: Do you guys do family
resorts? TELL ME ABOUT ALL OF THEM. WHERE ARE THEY LOCATED? DO THEY HAVE WATER
SLIDES? CUP HOLDERS? Thank you very much in advance.