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Sometimes I have the nerve to ask my
kids to do things that they just can't do. At least not right now.
the sixth or seventh time I've asked them, things begin to look more promising. I, on the other-hand, begin to look more frazzled.
There are a few things that I find
myself regularly asking of my children, ages 2 and 10. Meeting some of my
requests comes naturally while others require much
more discipline. Although some of these demands may result in an occasional eye
roll or a flash flood of toddler tears, often they are understood or at the
very least attempted. Typically the requests that require the most discipline
fall into the (totally) unreasonable category, which means they're probably (totally)
reasonable in my opinion.
When given the
permission to pick out one thing at the store and said store is Target, I
realize that I've pretty much set myself up here (thank you "Dollar Spot"). I mean,
when is the last time you walked out of Target with one thing?
2. Don't scream at/lick/poke/bite your
Toddlers show their love in the most unconventional ways. Fortunately
for us, the hugs and kisses outweigh the urge to pull, tug and (insert annoying
thing little siblings do) your big sister.
saying, "Look with your eyes, not with your hands"? Toddler hands are made for looking. It is impossible for my littlest to not
touch something, especially at a store that insists on keeping Chapstick, crackers,
ponies, trading cards, pocket tissues, bubble gum and other items that resemble
the contents of the crevices of your kid's car seat within their reach.
5. Don't get too much
If you take a
tween to Yogurtland and ask them not to get too much fro-yo, you may learn that their
definition of "too much" is different than your definition. Additionally,
advising them that they can only get a "little bit" when it comes to
the bounty of sweet toppings is sort of vague. But just to clarify, obviously you mean that they can
get a little bit of each topping, no?
6. Go take a shower
Problem here is I
used the wrong word. In my home, baths reign supreme for the 10 and under crowd.
Showers are sort of a chore, whether placed in front of a really fun and
exciting activity or a less thrilling activity, a.k.a. bedtime.
7. Go to bed
I love days that have been
filled with such adventure that my kids are telling me they want to go to bed (but
first shower—muahaha) because they are just so tired. Now that it's summer, they've pretty much convinced themselves that there should be no such thing.
8. Stay out of my purse (unless I give you permission)
My purse seems to be more like the communal purse. I store all
the things they got tired of holding and always have something that my toddler
needs. Both my daughters have their own purses filled with their own
things, but clearly that's the problem. I should have filled the purse with my
9. Please give me a minute to use the
bathroom/get the clothes out the dryer/make lunch
Did I really think that I
could experience the luxury of peeing in private? Why did I think it was possible
to remove clothes from the dryer before they became wrinkled? What was I thinking; preparing lunch is
much easier with an audience making culinary demands. And how is it a sibling
disagreement always ensues one minute after I asked for a minute (should've
asked for five!).
I know, it's a lot
to take in, but I'm here to help you process this.
11. You already had your snack please don't
ask for mine (a.k.a. mama is borderline hangry so don't ask me for a bite
of my food)
But then I feel guilty, especially as they stand there with puppy
dog eyes and watch me chew. "OK fine,
one bite. Go ahead. You can have it." This is why so many moms have been
reduced to hiding while eating their secret chocolate stash.
12. Change your clothes
and being told to change into something else is kind of annoying when you're
old enough to pick out your own clothes. But if you happen to pick out something
that's covered in wrinkles and our destination requires us to get out of the
car, either we are changing or I'm ironing (or sticking that shirt in the
13. Please don't ask if you can play
longer. We have to go.
fails. My oldest will always ask for just five more minutes even after I've
already given her five more minutes. As
if I've got extra minutes lying around in the bottom of my purse.
14. Don't put me on the spot
Kids seem to
love asking for things when there's an audience because perhaps doing so increases
their chances of getting a "yes" out of you.
15. Stop laughing
Yeah right. Not gonna
happen. There is a time and place for laughter. According to my kids, it's all
the time and everywhere.
16. Go use the
bathroom before we leave
"I know you don't have to go, please just try."
Having to stop to use the bathroom, even when you have to pass by it to leave
the house, is so tedious when you're ready to go. But you know what's more tedious and probably disgusting? Public restrooms.
17. Wait until
I get off of the phone please
Am I the only one with kids who sees opportunity
as soon as mommy gets on the phone? Chances are I may say yes if they ask for
something while I'm distracted. I'm totally on to them.
No. Seriously. Stop.
19. Wake up
(Five minutes later: wake up. Three minutes later: Get up right now! One minute later: This is the last ... ) Two of my tween's least favorite words are wake and up.
20. Don't cry
This is obviously code for immediately begin crying inconsolably and loudly, of course. And don't stop until everyone is staring in horror.
21. Let go of my breast
My nursing days are long gone, but my toddler just isn't ready to let go (of mommy's boobie).
And this is just the shortlist. Even so, I'm always
reminding myself to have age-appropriate expectations for my children, especially given that some of the things they struggle with are things I have
yet to master as an adult. For instance, I always want "a bite" of my husband's
food even if I just ate.
Any thing you do or expect that your kids seem to think
is pretty unreasonable?