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21 Unreasonable Requests I Make, According to My Kids

Sometimes I have the nerve to ask my kids to do things that they just can't do. At least not right now.

By the sixth or seventh time I've asked them, things begin to look more promising. I, on the other-hand, begin to look more frazzled.

There are a few things that I find myself regularly asking of my children, ages 2 and 10. Meeting some of my requests comes naturally while others require much more discipline. Although some of these demands may result in an occasional eye roll or a flash flood of toddler tears, often they are understood or at the very least attempted. Typically the requests that require the most discipline fall into the (totally) unreasonable category, which means they're probably (totally) reasonable in my opinion.

RELATED: 7 Questions Worth Asking Before the Next Playdate

Things like:

1. Pick one thing

When given the permission to pick out one thing at the store and said store is Target, I realize that I've pretty much set myself up here (thank you "Dollar Spot"). I mean, when is the last time you walked out of Target with one thing?

2. Don't scream at/lick/poke/bite your sister

Toddlers show their love in the most unconventional ways. Fortunately for us, the hugs and kisses outweigh the urge to pull, tug and (insert annoying thing little siblings do) your big sister.

3. Please stop asking me over and over. I already told you.

These kids are trying to break me.

4. Do not touch anything

Remember that saying, "Look with your eyes, not with your hands"? Toddler hands are made for looking. It is impossible for my littlest to not touch something, especially at a store that insists on keeping Chapstick, crackers, ponies, trading cards, pocket tissues, bubble gum and other items that resemble the contents of the crevices of your kid's car seat within their reach.

5. Don't get too much

If you take a tween to Yogurtland and ask them not to get too much fro-yo, you may learn that their definition of "too much" is different than your definition. Additionally, advising them that they can only get a "little bit" when it comes to the bounty of sweet toppings is sort of vague. But just to clarify, obviously you mean that they can get a little bit of each topping, no?

6. Go take a shower

Problem here is I used the wrong word. In my home, baths reign supreme for the 10 and under crowd. Showers are sort of a chore, whether placed in front of a really fun and exciting activity or a less thrilling activity, a.k.a. bedtime.

7. Go to bed

I love days that have been filled with such adventure that my kids are telling me they want to go to bed (but first shower—muahaha) because they are just so tired. Now that it's summer, they've pretty much convinced themselves that there should be no such thing.

8. Stay out of my purse (unless I give you permission)

My purse seems to be more like the communal purse. I store all the things they got tired of holding and always have something that my toddler needs. Both my daughters have their own purses filled with their own things, but clearly that's the problem. I should have filled the purse with my things…

9. Please give me a minute to use the bathroom/get the clothes out the dryer/make lunch

Did I really think that I could experience the luxury of peeing in private? Why did I think it was possible to remove clothes from the dryer before they became wrinkled? What was I thinking; preparing lunch is much easier with an audience making culinary demands. And how is it a sibling disagreement always ensues one minute after I asked for a minute (should've asked for five!).

10. Clean your room

I know, it's a lot to take in, but I'm here to help you process this.

11. You already had your snack please don't ask for mine (a.k.a. mama is borderline hangry so don't ask me for a bite of my food)

But then I feel guilty, especially as they stand there with puppy dog eyes and watch me chew. "OK fine, one bite. Go ahead. You can have it." This is why so many moms have been reduced to hiding while eating their secret chocolate stash.

12. Change your clothes

Getting dressed and being told to change into something else is kind of annoying when you're old enough to pick out your own clothes. But if you happen to pick out something that's covered in wrinkles and our destination requires us to get out of the car, either we are changing or I'm ironing (or sticking that shirt in the dryer!).

13. Please don't ask if you can play longer. We have to go.

It never fails. My oldest will always ask for just five more minutes even after I've already given her five more minutes. As if I've got extra minutes lying around in the bottom of my purse.

14. Don't put me on the spot

Kids seem to love asking for things when there's an audience because perhaps doing so increases their chances of getting a "yes" out of you.

15. Stop laughing

Yeah right. Not gonna happen. There is a time and place for laughter. According to my kids, it's all the time and everywhere.

16. Go use the bathroom before we leave

"I know you don't have to go, please just try." Having to stop to use the bathroom, even when you have to pass by it to leave the house, is so tedious when you're ready to go. But you know what's more tedious and probably disgusting? Public restrooms.

17. Wait until I get off of the phone please

Am I the only one with kids who sees opportunity as soon as mommy gets on the phone? Chances are I may say yes if they ask for something while I'm distracted. I'm totally on to them.

18. (Pleeeeease) stop whining

No. Seriously. Stop.

19. Wake up

(Five minutes later: wake up. Three minutes later: Get up right now! One minute later: This is the last ... ) Two of my tween's least favorite words are wake and up.

20. Don't cry

This is obviously code for immediately begin crying inconsolably and loudly, of course. And don't stop until everyone is staring in horror.

21. Let go of my breast

My nursing days are long gone, but my toddler just isn't ready to let go (of mommy's boobie).

RELATED: 31 Questions From My Kid I Was Totally Unprepared For

And this is just the shortlist. Even so, I'm always reminding myself to have age-appropriate expectations for my children, especially given that some of the things they struggle with are things I have yet to master as an adult. For instance, I always want "a bite" of my husband's food even if I just ate.

Any thing you do or expect that your kids seem to think is pretty unreasonable?

Image via Krishann Briscoe

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