Oh, to be a toddler. Such healthy, shiny, happy (most of the
time) little people. They have that youthful glow, endless amounts of
energy and not a care in the world. They are the epitome of beauty, inside and
out. So what's their secret? Well, if my toddler could share some advice on
looking and feeling like a million bucks, her tips might look a little
something like this.
Wake up every night around
2:30 a.m. and have a cup of milk. Better yet, demand it. You deserve it girl. Break
it up. Shake things up. Don't be boring.
3. Run constantly
Being carried by someone is best for that "I love getting what I want" glow.
Don't walk. Ever. Actually, refuse to
walk, it's a waste of time because it's neither fun or relaxing. It's somewhere
in between and does nothing for your outer glow. Being carried by someone is
best for that "I love getting what I want" glow.
4. Put your face in milk
Dunk it in the bowl of cereal milk.
Get it all over your eyelids and cheeks, and then let it drip down your neck. It
doesn't do anything for your skin, but everyone will laugh, and you will feel
rewarded for your reckless behavior.
5. Hide from your mom and anyone who may be with her
for a little bit too long each time, and sometimes in public places. It's fun
for you, but it also gives your mom the endorphins that really make her feel
6. Meditate every morning
Just kidding. Scream out your mom's name in increasing loudness until
she stumbles into your room like a newborn calf.
7. Laugh often
It does wonders for the soul. Laugh at
everything—at the funny gecko in the Geico ads, at your dad's bed head, at
your mom when she's mad and at poop jokes. Especially poop jokes.
8. Do one thing every day that scares you
Ask your mom for something before she's had her coffee.
Get close to a
moving vacuum cleaner. Keep your eyes open as you sit in the car and it goes
through the carwash. Ask your mom for something before she's had her coffee.
9. Let go of the past … mom
Time-outs only hold me to who I USED
to be. And that was so three minutes ago. Focus on the person I am right now, and
the person I am about to become.
10. Lie down on the floor in the grocery store
the baking aisle, right next to the mini marshmallows so that they may
potentially be used as a bribe to get you off the "%*& #@!* floor" as mom
likes to call it.
11. Keep in touch with the people you love
incessantly all by yourself by finding them on the recent calls screen on your
mom's phone. Hell, while you're there, also call your mom's work colleagues and
her gyno. They matter, too.
12. Get naked
Break free from that cotton prison. Get natural. You
were born that way.
13. Stand up for yourself
Say NO and mean it. If the other
person won't take no for an answer, stomp your feet and flail your arms around while
14. Eat lots of the green stuff
Like all the green M&Ms and
green gummy bears and green Jell-O. The green Jell-O is the best. It's not so
good for your tummy, but it's good for your face in that it makes you smile
really really big smiles.
From a million bajillion miles
away through neighboring walls and hallways. Do it until someone calls your parents
16. Love your body
Adorn it with stickers and stamps. Draw on
it with markers, your mom's lipstick or permanent Sharpie, if you can get your hands on one.
17. Be in the moment
And if at that moment, you feel like
having yogurt, you have it, gurl. And if, in the very next moment, you feel
like not having yogurt and screaming, "I don't want yogurt!" at your mom for
getting you the yogurt that you had just asked for,
then do that, too. It's not moody, it's being present.
18. Don't try to be something you're not
Like tired when
you're not tired. Why pretend and take a nap? Be real. Be awake!
19. See everything as if you're seeing it for the first time
The world is a beautiful place. And so are most people. Don't be so serious.
Have fun. Love freely, don't hold back. Give
spontaneous hugs. Break out in dance whenever. And don't eat your boogers. At
least not when people are watching.