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10 Fortune Cookies Parents Really Want

We got some Chinese take-out last week, and my fortune cookie said, "Work on improving your exercise routine." What kind of horrible fortune is that? I want a message of hope and happiness in my future, not something that makes me feel guilty for having that extra helping of lo mein.

After I got done smashing that cookie into smithereens with my Tsingtao, I thought of some fortunes that I—and other parents—wouldn't mind getting in our next cookie.

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1. Get ready to cry real tears.

2. Don't hold your breath.

3. Too good to be true.

4. Don't let me down, fortune cookie.

5. Give me like five hours.

6. A mom can dream.

7. PLEASE GOD LET THIS ONE COME TRUE.

8. Cannot come soon enough.

9. Every wish fulfilled.

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10. For the love of all that is fair and just in this world.

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