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All The Thoughts You Think the Day Your Toddler Transitions to a Bed

Photograph by Twenty20

OK, nap time. First time sleeping in the big-kid bed.

Make sure to make a big deal. Get her excited.

Wow, she’s actually staying in bed.

Pfft. What was I so worried about?

Look at her. She’s adorable.

She’s still sleeping.

Success.

Really, why do they say this transition is so hard?

It just takes patience.

Aw, she’s so cute.

We survived the first nap.

Really, I don’t even need to read that parenting book. I got this.

All right, it’s time for the big show: bedtime.

We have to keep the routine the same. At least, that’s what the internet says.

Deep breaths. Here we go.

Pajamas on.

You can do this.

Teeth brushed.

She’s proven she can nap in there. She’ll be fine.

Read some books.

But nighttime is so much longer.

You can do this.

You survived worse.

Remember that time she refused to sleep and just sat up for hours, defying you?

But at least she was contained.

OK, it's time.

Walk out of the room confidently.

Never show fear.

Check the baby monitor.

So far, so good.

Wait, is she getting out of bed?

What is she doing?

Why isn't that $50 Minnie Mouse comforter working?!

Send Dad in.

Back in bed. Breathe.

Is she getting out of bed again?

She’s opening her door.

OK, maybe I jinxed myself with this whole "great nap" thing.

She did it on purpose.

She wanted to lure me into a false sense of security.

Is it too early to pour a drink?

She knows all my weaknesses.

How many times has she gotten out of bed now?

Is it too early to pour a drink?

Dear Lord, she has to sleep sometime.

Maybe this was a mistake.

Husband may not be too mad if I ask him to put the crib back together.

I could have sex with him.

He would do anything for sex.

Maybe then I could duct tape a sheet over the top of the crib.

I’m a terrible mom.

Or I’m a genius.

But it would keep her in the crib.

I should try the duct tape.

And now she’s crying.

Make that screaming.

I’m a terrible mom.

What if all this freedom is too much for her to handle?

I need a second drink.

Super Nanny should have something to say about this.

I wonder if that show is on Netflix?

OK, Dad got her calm.

I think she’s going to sleep.

Or she’s worn out from the trauma.

Seriously, though? I’d kill to sleep in a nice comfy bed right now.

She’s asleep. Whew.

Going to bed. Stop checking the monitor. She’s fine.

I hope she doesn’t fall out.

Oh, look at that! She’s sideways! Why are they so cute when they sleep?

Seriously, stop checking the monitor.

What time is it?

4:30? She’s been asleep the whole night?

Now I can’t sleep.

What time is it?

What’s that noise?!

You can’t sneak silently into someone’s room and watch them while they sleep!

Fine. Come sleep with us. Just don’t kick me.

We probably should get a lock on our door.

We survived our first night.

I think this is going to work.

Right? Right?!

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