Most moms wouldn't describe themselves as glamorous or
savvy, but given the daily set of obstacles we face, wouldn't you agree that
coming out standing every night is a pretty remarkable feat? Jokes aside,
mothers possess a set of superhuman skills that the superheroes and spies
would kill for.
Read on to see how many you have!
1. We can get out of any
position, no matter how compromising
Words cannot describe how insanely smart I felt when, after
trying to escape a room with a squeaky door and waking baby four times, I finally
grabbed the baby oil, fixed the door, and made my way out. Shortly thereafter I
memorized every single squeak in the wood floor, and before long, I even
figured out how to unlatch a nursing baby, place it in the crib, and the exact
rhythm I needed to tap his back to lull him into a deep sleep. And that's just
2. We know exactly what
to do when faced with maniacs and evil overlords
Also known as toddlers and teenagers. While situations may
get heated at times, every mom knows exactly what she needs to do de-escalate
the situation, or shut it down: Boob, bottle, a stern "no" or a fun "what was
that!?" the only thing that ever throws us off is being left alone with a glass
of wine in a clean house. You know something is going to happen. Wait for it…
3. We are never, ever seen sleeping
Unless, of course,
it's right before something terribly important happens or when someone is
sneaking into our bed for a late night snuggle. Otherwise we can always be found
doing something amazing, even if your definition of amazing is ironing clothes
and making lunches at four in the morning.
4. We see and hear EVERYTHING
Maybe it's the
hormones, maybe it's the adrenaline, maybe it's just the fact that we have to
be omniscient to ensure the surivival of our species, but we see and hear
everything, and often freak people out with our uncanny ability to be aware of
everything going on, just like in the movies. Now that Kerry Washington and
Scarlett Johansson have had babies of their own, maybe now they can keep up with us and not just pretend to be amazing on the screen.
Husband who forgot to get milk, again. Eliminated.
Teenage daughter… well, everyone has an Achilles' heel!
Shaken, stirred! Heck, it doesn't matter! After saving the world for the last 12 hours, our archenemy could serve us a drink and we probably wouldn't think twice before chugging it!
6. Our boobs can knock out even the most willful of opponents
While most super-spy
moms keep their secret weapons fairly well disguised (and some people even
choose to make fun of them),
our boobs are works of art that can knock out even the least sleepy of babies
and whose cushy pillow can soothe even the most wounded of toddlers.
can reach any location by car, no matter what's in our way!
Need to make lunches for the kids, install the car seat, change
the baby, drop off baby for daycare, get gas, swing by to pick up the carpool,
entertain said carpool, make sure everyone gets off OK, grab a latté and still
make it to work in time, all in under 15 minutes? NO PROBLEM!
Too bad the job doesn't come standard-equipped with a Maserati.
8. No matter how big the explosion, we always come out looking
Ah, the most dreaded
of all diaper-changes: the blowout! Terrifying as they are, have you ever
thought to consider how amazing it is that you just took a human who was
covered, head to toe, in poo, somehow got them undressed, cleaned and
spruced up with nary a spot on yourself. The only other woman who could pull
that off is fellow super mom Angelina Jolie, and let's face it, most of us are
not convinced she's a real human being!
9. We always need another martini , but are usually too busy saving
Shaken, stirred! Heck, it doesn't matter! After saving the world
for the last 12 hours, our archenemy could serve us a drink and we probably
wouldn't think twice before chugging it! Too bad we won't, because now that the
kids are asleep, it's time to move on to mission impossible: getting caught up
10. We always save the day
Perhaps the one way
that we are most like super spies is that we always, always save the day.
Motherhood is filled with thousands of challenges, both big and small, and each
more mind-blowing than the next. And yet somehow, we always figure out a way to
get through it. And that makes us pretty amazing.