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10 Ways All Moms Are Like Movie Spies

Photograph by Photofest

Most moms wouldn't describe themselves as glamorous or savvy, but given the daily set of obstacles we face, wouldn't you agree that coming out standing every night is a pretty remarkable feat? Jokes aside, mothers possess a set of superhuman skills that the superheroes and spies would kill for.

Read on to see how many you have!

1. We can get out of any position, no matter how compromising

Words cannot describe how insanely smart I felt when, after trying to escape a room with a squeaky door and waking baby four times, I finally grabbed the baby oil, fixed the door, and made my way out. Shortly thereafter I memorized every single squeak in the wood floor, and before long, I even figured out how to unlatch a nursing baby, place it in the crib, and the exact rhythm I needed to tap his back to lull him into a deep sleep. And that's just at bedtime!

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2. We know exactly what to do when faced with maniacs and evil overlords

Also known as toddlers and teenagers. While situations may get heated at times, every mom knows exactly what she needs to do de-escalate the situation, or shut it down: Boob, bottle, a stern "no" or a fun "what was that!?" the only thing that ever throws us off is being left alone with a glass of wine in a clean house. You know something is going to happen. Wait for it…

3. We are never, ever seen sleeping

Unless, of course, it's right before something terribly important happens or when someone is sneaking into our bed for a late night snuggle. Otherwise we can always be found doing something amazing, even if your definition of amazing is ironing clothes and making lunches at four in the morning.

4. We see and hear EVERYTHING

Maybe it's the hormones, maybe it's the adrenaline, maybe it's just the fact that we have to be omniscient to ensure the surivival of our species, but we see and hear everything, and often freak people out with our uncanny ability to be aware of everything going on, just like in the movies. Now that Kerry Washington and Scarlett Johansson have had babies of their own, maybe now they can keep up with us and not just pretend to be amazing on the screen.

5. We know exactly what to say in every situation

Snarky mom. Put into place.

Friend who lost a baby. Comforted.

Whiny toddler with own agenda. Shut down.

Husband who forgot to get milk, again. Eliminated.

Teenage daughter… well, everyone has an Achilles' heel!

Shaken, stirred! Heck, it doesn't matter! After saving the world for the last 12 hours, our archenemy could serve us a drink and we probably wouldn't think twice before chugging it!

6. Our boobs can knock out even the most willful of opponents

While most super-spy moms keep their secret weapons fairly well disguised (and some people even choose to make fun of them), our boobs are works of art that can knock out even the least sleepy of babies and whose cushy pillow can soothe even the most wounded of toddlers.

7. We can reach any location by car, no matter what's in our way!

Need to make lunches for the kids, install the car seat, change the baby, drop off baby for daycare, get gas, swing by to pick up the carpool, entertain said carpool, make sure everyone gets off OK, grab a latté and still make it to work in time, all in under 15 minutes? NO PROBLEM!

Too bad the job doesn't come standard-equipped with a Maserati.

8. No matter how big the explosion, we always come out looking (fairly) fabulous!

Ah, the most dreaded of all diaper-changes: the blowout! Terrifying as they are, have you ever thought to consider how amazing it is that you just took a human who was covered, head to toe, in poo, somehow got them undressed, cleaned and spruced up with nary a spot on yourself. The only other woman who could pull that off is fellow super mom Angelina Jolie, and let's face it, most of us are not convinced she's a real human being!

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9. We always need another martini , but are usually too busy saving the day

Shaken, stirred! Heck, it doesn't matter! After saving the world for the last 12 hours, our archenemy could serve us a drink and we probably wouldn't think twice before chugging it! Too bad we won't, because now that the kids are asleep, it's time to move on to mission impossible: getting caught up on chores!

10. We always save the day

Perhaps the one way that we are most like super spies is that we always, always save the day. Motherhood is filled with thousands of challenges, both big and small, and each more mind-blowing than the next. And yet somehow, we always figure out a way to get through it. And that makes us pretty amazing.

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