Step 1: Announce, “Let’s bake cookies!” while toddler claps and dances around the kitchen.
Step 2: Consider making the slice-and-bake cookies you always have on hand but decide to make real, homemade cookies. It’ll be fun!
Step 4: Find the tattered copy of the chocolate chip cookie recipe you haven’t made since you had a baby.
Step 5: Put all the ingredients on the counter, including the giant bag of chocolate chips you’ve been saving for next month’s round of PMS.
Step 6: Get out the mixing bowls and measuring cups.
Step 7: Get a chair for the toddler to stand on.
Step 8: Sweep up the bag of flour the toddler dumped on the floor.
Step 9: Determine there’s enough flour in the bag to make one batch of cookies.
Step 10: Let the toddler try to cream the butter and sugar.
Step 11: Stand on a chair to wipe a glob of sugar butter off the ceiling while the toddler claps and laughs.
Step 12: Let the toddler crack the egg. Ignore the eggshells in the batter. It’s all good.
Step 13: Sift the dry ingredients together.
Step 14: Did you add baking soda, though? Maybe you forgot while the toddler was screaming, “I WANNA DO IT!!!”
Step 15: Add more baking soda.
Step 16: Oops, the toddler has to go potty. Rush toddler to bathroom just in time.
Step 17: Return to the kitchen to find cat licking the cookie dough. Shoo cat off counter, check batter for cat hair. Shrug. A few eggshells and cat hairs never ruined a good cookie, right?
Step 18: Add more baking soda.
Smell the vanilla before you see the spreading puddle on the floor.
Step 19: Mix dry ingredients with sugar, butter and egg. Realize you forgot the vanilla.
Step 20: Turn your back for 15 seconds to get the vanilla out of the cabinet, hear a crash as the toddler pulls the mixing bowl off the counter.
Step 21: Assess the mess on the floor. Salvage what cookie dough you can and push the mixing bowl waaaaay back on the counter while you clean up the cookie dough on the floor before the cat gets into it.
Step 22: Smell the vanilla before you see the spreading puddle on the floor.
Step 23: Determine chocolate chip cookies don’t really need vanilla. Agree with the toddler that, yes, vanilla smells good but tastes bad.
Step 24: Time for the chocolate chips! Pour one level cup of chocolate chips into your cookie dough.
Step 25: Pour the rest of the bag of chocolate chips into the bowl when the toddler screams, “I WANT MORE CHOCO CHIPS!”
Step 26: Mix the chocolate chips into the dough. Realize the chip-to-dough ratio is ridiculous and these cookies are going to taste like crap. Also, just how much baking powder did you add?!
Step 27: When the toddler wanders off to watch "Paw Patrol," quickly dump the mess into the trash and pull out the slice-and-bake cookie dough.
Step 28: Slice your store-bought cookie dough and put the perfectly round circles with the proper chip-to-dough ratio on cookie sheets.
Step 29: Enjoy the scent of vanilla and baking cookies while you mop your kitchen floor.
Step 30: Add vanilla, baking powder, flour and chocolate chips to your grocery list.
Step 31: When the oven timer goes off, announce: “The cookies are ready!”
Step 32: Transfer store-bought slice-and-bake cookies to a wire rack while toddler dances around the kitchen saying, “Can I have a cookie now? Can I have a cookie now?”
Step 33: While eating warm cookies, agree with your toddler that baking homemade cookies together was the most fun ever.