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14 Ways Your Kid Will Make You Look Like a Fool in Public

Photograph by Twenty20

There isn't much worse than going out in public with your kids only to find that they're experts at making you look like you have no idea what you're doing. What mom hasn't felt the eyes of strangers burning into her back as she rapidly exited a store while clutching her screeching toddler?

While we know that yes, you're a great parent and most outbursts and accidents are few and far between, our kids are quick salty jerks that often pick the worst, most inopportune times to let the world know that they're kids and they don't give a crap what you think about them.

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Here are just a few examples of how kids can make you look inept in public:

1. Your kid lays down in the middle of the doorway as you exit the store.

2. Your kid darts out of sight to hide in the middle of a circular clothes rack as you bellow her name.

3. Your kid accidentally knocks over a huge display of carefully stacked bottles.

4. Your kid eats concrete in the parking lot, and while not seriously injured, bleeds everywhere.

5. Even though your kid was clean when you left, when you put her in the cart at the store, you notice that she has an impressive snot/dirt combo smeared all over her face.

6. You're almost through the checkout line and your child poops everywhere.

You've taken your kid into a public restroom, where he then dictates the progress of his bowel movement, step by step.

7. You're almost through the checkout line and your kids start fighting like little wild beasts.

8. You're almost through the checkout line and your kid pipes up, telling the cashier you're on your period ("Mommy bled in the TOILET!")

9. You're eating at a family restaurant and your kid describes a passing man as, "A really big boy, Mommy!" Loudly.

10. You're eating at a family restaurant and your kid starts shouting, "Bull shit!"

11. You're eating at a family restaurant and your kid barfs sweet potatoes all over the table without warning.

12. You've taken your kid into a public restroom, where he then dictates the progress of his bowel movement, step by step.

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13. You're walking through a store and a stranger has to tell you that your baby upchucked down your back.

14. As you're hefting your infant's car seat out of the doctor's office after your six week checkup, your toddler dashes into the parking lot.

No matter what, we love our kids with all our hearts… we just wish they'd stop making us look like incompetent fools when we're out in public.

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