You know that feeling you get when you see an adorable baby? You hold him or her, smell that intoxicating newborn baby smell and talk your ovaries down like a hostage negotiator to stay calm, just stay calm, because OMG you want a baby like now.
Yeah, I know that feeling.
And for the first time in my life, I am fighting against it. In fact, I would dare say that I'm not even having the slightest inkling of wanting a baby. Maybe. OK, it's probably like 80 percent gone. But still, that's a step forward for me.
I had this feeling once about this time two years ago. I was feeling fancy-free and rejoicing in the "break" my husband and I were taking from adding to our family. I loved having my body and my boobs to myself and actually sleeping through the night again. But I got pregnant approximately two days after I announced out loud that I would not be having a baby anytime soon. Ha.
My husband and I are holding our breaths a little, wondering if it's safe to even finish a conversation with each other.
I mean it this time though, seriously. I would never, ever tell someone that adding to their family is a bad idea or that a new baby could ever be a bad thing, and I know from experience that unplanned pregnancies can be an absolute gift (ahem). But I also know that it's important to give ourselves permission as women and mothers and wives to listen to our own inner wisdom when it whispers, time for a break, mama.
It's hard for me to balance the fact that I really do think family is the most important thing in life with the realities of what it means to raise that family. I have limited skills and resources, including my marriage, which (let's face it) gets a tad bit stressed in the midst of it all.
So at the moment, I want nothing to do with babies. I want to congratulate you, ask you how your own baby is sleeping, hold that precious bundle of joy, sneak a sniff of his head, sneak another sniff of his head, and then happily hand him back to his respective owner, whom for the record, is definitely not me.
It's a good place to be for once, and I'm looking forward to tentatively stepping out in the next stage of life with kids who are a bit older, maybe even dipping my toe into the crazy world of being a sports mom. My husband and I are holding our breaths a little, wondering if it's safe to make such crazy plans like possibly starting the dream home we've always wanted or even finish a conversation with each other.