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24 Haikus That Perfectly Describe Flying with a Toddler

Photograph by Andrea Wada Davies

Taking an International Flight with kids is no joke, especially when the hubs can’t join you and (ever so conveniently) meets up with you later by way of a separate flight. Sixteen hours of flight time with tight connections, immigration lines and a 3-year-old? Yeah, things get hectic for sure. Just the mere anticipation of all the things that could possibly happen mid-flight throws you into cold sweats and a mild case of diarrhea. And then you realize the anticipation wasn’t even close to the worst of it.

But, thankfully, you live through it. Are you a better mom for it? Who can say. But here is a play by play of what happens on an international flight with a toddler, as expressed through a series of gentle and poetic haikus.

1.

Run through terminal

Thank goodness gate not yet closed

I blame Cinnabon

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2.

Walking through First Class

Passengers give me soft smile

Want to flip them off

3.

My daughter sits down

“This isn’t our section babe”

I heard some guy cheer

4.

Looking for our seats

Hearing exhales as we pass

Are you serious?

5.

Sit next to a man

who is clipping his toenails

And we’re the feared ones?

6.

Sitting on runway

Impatient toddler asks me

“Mom, are we there yet?”

Photograph by Andrea Wada Davies

7.

12 more hours to go

And we’ve burned through all the toys

Who has Benadryl?

8.

Hey there 16A

Letting loose with all the farts

Why so cavalier?

9.

Meal has just been served

Curry beef with vegetables

Every kid’s favorite!

10.

Airline attendant:

Did you mean to call again?

Me: *looks at toddler"

Photograph by Andrea Wada Davies

11.

Lady in the aisle

Standing with ass in my face

Please stretch somewhere else

12.

She slept for 8 hours!

We’d be rejoicing if there

weren’t 6 hours left.

13.

Toddler on toilet

Turbulence happens mid stream

You know what happens

14.

We return to seat

She’s buckled in and cozy

“WHAT? You need to poop?!!”

15.

Peppa falls to floor

I bend down to pick it up

MEAL CART TO SHOULDER!

16.

I take a short nap

Attendant wakes me for snack

I have a drool beard

17.

Dude is still farting

The kind that burn your nose hairs

Will we recover?

18.

My kids are asleep

That’s what I’m talkin’ about

I eat their Skittles

19.

Squeeze in a movie?

Something intellectual

Like "Ride Along 2"

20.

Time for the descent

Ear pressure hits the toddler

She loses her shit

21.

Touch down. We made it!

I hug the toenail cutter

He embraces back.

22.

I do 360

With “How you like me now?” face

Toddler was a saint.

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23.

I hear “WAY TO GO!”

A dad flying with his kid

Is getting the praise

24.

We exit the plane

I feel my eyes well with tears

Because, return flight.

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