1. She’s not hungry. She is not now, nor has she ever been,
hungry. Hunger is for the weak!
2. She doesn’t like it. Peas are yucky. She hates peas.
Didn’t you know that? Never mind that she ate an entire plate of peas
yesterday. Today, peas are poison!
3. It’s too hot. Owwweeee! That barely warm chicken just
scalded her mouth. The pain is unendurable. How could you torture her like
4. It’s too cold. Can you put it in the microwave for five
seconds? Another five seconds. Um, still cold. Five more seconds. Almost there…
RELATED: Dinner Time With Kids, Told in GIFs
5. It’s spicy. Breaking news: Plain pasta is spicy. So is
bread. So are green beans. Especially green beans.
6. She wants something else. Nice job on dinner, Mom. But
she would really prefer pizza or pancakes or fish tacos or paella. Nothing
fancy. Yes, she will wait while you whip that up for her.
7. She can’t sit in her chair. Her chair is so
uncomfortable! How can anyone be expected to sit in that? She would like to
stand up. No, she definitely can’t eat standing up. Don’t be silly.
8. She needs to sit in Mommy’s lap. No, Daddy’s lap. No,
Mommy’s lap. You didn’t want to eat anything either, right? Kay, thanks!
9. She wants to paint. She is inspired. You are crushing her
10. She wants to sing. (See above.)
11. She wants to go to the park. It’s dinnertime. Everyone
who is anyone is at the park right now!
12. She wants to go swimming. She needs to show you her
swimming skills. She is really good at swimming. Don’t you understand?!
The dog is hungry! She needs to feed him. LOOK AT HIM. He’s
at death’s door.
13. She wants to fly in an airplane. Grandma and Grandpa are
waiting for her. Yes, she made her own plans.
14. She wants to eat with Leo. There will be no eating
unless Leo is present. LEO!!!
15. She needs her stuffed animals to “watch” her eat. Yes,
all of them. Yes, they must be sitting on the table.
16. She needs to call Grandma and tell her something really
important. No, it’s a secret.
17. She wants sausage and pasta. Sausage. And. Pasta. She is
aware that she had sausage and pasta last night. And the night before that.
What’s your point?
18. She isn’t a person anymore. Clearly, she’s a kitty cat.
Kitty cats do not eat broccoli. Kitty cats eat sausage and pasta. Everyone
19. The dog is hungry! She needs to feed him. LOOK AT HIM. He’s
at death’s door.
RELATED: 20 Ridiculous Reasons I've Sent My Kids to Time Out
20. She ate three bags of Cheddar Bunnies for snack. That was
dinner too, right?
21. She wants to watch another episode of Daniel Tiger. “You
can take a turn, and then I’ll get it back… You can take a turn, and then I’ll
get it back…. You can take a turn…”
22. She needs to poop. Yes. No. Maybe. Ha ha! She was just
pretending. Or was she?
23. She wants to eat dinner. Dinner now! Yes, she knows it’s
lunchtime. At dinnertime, she will want to eat lunch.
24. There is a dog barking outside. Who is he? What’s his
name? Why is he barking? Can she play with him? Who can possibly eat with these
25. She threw her plate on the floor. Game over.
Share this on Facebook?
The Hardest Part of Motherhood