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What a Long Hot Day With a Toddler is Really Like

Photograph by Twenty20

In a world of perfectly staged Instagram photos, have you ever wondered what a long hot day with a toddler is really like? Well allow me to enlighten you and go beyond the highlight reel.

Because if we don't laugh, we'll cry.

Wake up with a toddler’s foot in your face at 4:30 AM, whining for cartoons and miiiiilk!”

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Get your toddler’s milk for him. Get screamed at for who knows what reason.

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Turn on the cartoons because that is the only way to get some peace and quiet in the morning.

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Drink your now cold coffee while forcing Cheerios upon your toddler.

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RELATED: 12 Things I Appreciate So Much More About a Newborn Now That I Have a Toddler

Get out of the door ASAP. Which means at least 30 minutes later than planned. But! You made it!

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Head to the playground before it gets way too hot to be outside anymore.

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When it's time to leave, your toddler has a meltdown. A hot, sweaty meltdown. Drag him, kicking and screaming, to your air-conditioned car. Turn up the music to drown out the protests.

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Lunch. You’re at the halfway mark! You make him his favorite food. He refuses to eat any of it.

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Naptime! Ha! PSYCH! He doesn’t nap, but you need a break, so you make him stay in his bedroom for an hour of “quiet time.” He destroys the bedroom. You don’t care.

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To combat the boredom, you find yourself inventing some very strange new games.

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You have to explain sunburns and heat stroke to your toddler in hopes that he will stop asking to go outside.

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Dinner. You make him his second favorite food. Again, he refuses to eat any of it. He has crackers and air for dinner instead.

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RELATED: 20 Ridiculous Reasons I've Sent My Kid to Time Out

Once it cools down a bit, you take your toddler outside before bedtime. He's just slightly wired.

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You tell him it's bedtime. He wants nothing to do with that nonsense. Spend the next two hours wrestling him into the bath and into his pajamas, and reading him his favorite book over and over and over again.

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FINALLY. He's passed out. Pour a glass of wine, relax and do it all over again tomorrow.

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