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12 Completely Random Things That Piss Off My Toddler

Photograph by Getty Images

I have a two-year-old son who is currently in this phase where he regularly alternates between either being the cutest toddler on the planet, or being anarchist-level angry at everyone and everything. When he's in angry anarchist mode, a growly voice, grumpy face and yelling words are kind of his M.O.

And I mean, I get it. Sometimes being two is hard. When you're a toddler, the world is filled with injustices. There are rules and social norms that don't revolve around you and it probably feels pretty unfair.

But what causes these frustrations can be completely bewildering—and hilarious—for me as a parent. Sometimes they come from so far out of left field I don't even know what to do with it. Here are just a few recent incidents that made my toddler angry at the world:

1. Waking up

Who knew that waking up was so hard to do. I'm not exaggerating when I say that 95% of the time, my toddler son is raging mad when he wakes up in the morning or from a nap. Some kids are precious and happy when they wake, but not my boy. He is like a bull seeing red. Watch out.

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2. Sharing food with ants

We've had an ant problem this summer and recently when I asked my toddler to please stop throwing food on the ground because the ants would come eat it, he became horrified at the injustice of sharing with ants and shouted, "NO! Ants not gonna eat my food! I don't wanna share!"

3. Cheerios

...because they weren't "oatmeal squares." Eye roll.

4. Me not letting him go swimming in our pool

He asked if he could go swimming in our pool and I told him that no, he couldn't, because unfortunately WE DON'T HAVE A POOL. Nonetheless, he was completely livid. I mean, it makes sense, why should not having a pool stop him from swimming in our pool?

5. His sister getting a time out for hitting him

My toddler was crying because his sister hit him. This resulted in her getting a time out and then he lost his mind over the fact that she was getting a timeout. "No Mama! That's not good to do a timeout! You don't be mean to my Sissy!".

6. Because I had a spoon

Belligerent anger ensued, simply because I had a spoon. Perhaps he wanted that particular utensil at that moment? Maybe moms are just supposed to use their hands and aren't allowed spoons? We'll never know. But he was super mad about it nonetheless.

Sorry for caring about hygiene, son, and for thinking that public indecency is probably not the best idea.

7. Because I wouldn't let him lick the toilet bolt caps

How dare I attempt to protect him from rotavirus!

8. Because I tried to clean his bleeding face

Apparently I missed the memo about wiping the bloodied lip of your child being a personal affront to their belief system, because based on his reaction, it's clearly a thing.

9. Because I wouldn't let him look in the toilet while I went

Clearly watching your mom pee is titillating stuff.

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10. Because I wouldn't let him keep his hand in his pants at the grocery store

Sorry for caring about hygiene, son, and for thinking that public indecency is probably not the best idea.

11. Because I took him to "the orange park"

He wanted to go to the "blue park."

12. Because I wouldn't let him eat our Costco receipt

Never mind the fact that he just ate 85 samples.

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